This started off as a ‘New Year, New Me’ kind of post, in which I listed all of the things I wanted to achieve this year and all of the things that I wanted to change about myself. But then I started to look at those areas more closely and I realised that I didn’t want a new me. I like me. I just want a better, slightly more grown-up, adult version of me (without losing my silly moments – is that possible?).

Yes, there are areas of my life that I want to focus on and goals that I would like to achieve, but I don’t want to change the core and heart of who I am. I’ve come to realise that I’m actually okay with who I am. I’m never going to be the prettiest, the cleverest, the slimmest, the funniest or the most talented, but that’s okay. I’m never going to be one of life’s great achievers, but that’s okay too.  In the words of the brilliant Sarah Millican:

‘Your life doesn’t need to be perfect; you don’t need to look a certain way to be happy. You don’t need to be amazing at everything all of the time. But I try my best and I try to be champion. Champion is Geordie for good or alright.’

And you know what? I am good. I am alright.

Instead of new year’s resolutions, a couple of good friends of mine tend to choose a word for the year instead. A positive word. A word to focus on. And I like that idea – something that is more open and less strict than specific resolutions. I’m terrible at making decisions though and I couldn’t decide on one word so I chose two (with a bit of helpful alliteration!) – Confidence and Kindness.

* Confidence 

It’s time that I had more confidence in myself and my abilities. I so often define myself by what I haven’t achieved and by what I have failed at, and it’s time that I stopped that. I used to be a teacher and I need to stop seeing that as a failed career and start seeing it just as a change of job, and maybe that will give me more confidence in my abilities both at work and at home. I need to accept that there will be times when I don’t succeed in the way that I was hoping, but that isn’t necessarily failure. So I just need to take a deep breath, dust myself off and move on.

If I think back to this time 5 years ago, my life has changed in so many ways and I’m not the person I was back then. And I wouldn’t want to be either. I’m in a much better place (literally and metaphorically). I’m also a lot more independent than I used to be too – although I need to remind myself of this sometimes. I need to take the confidence that I know I have deep inside me, and channel it into my personal and professional life. I need to be more confident in being me, warts and all. And, once again, in the words of Sarah Millican, ‘Be you in everything you do’.

* Kindness

I am very guilty of becoming rather self-involved and selfish at times, not intentionally but still in a thoughtless way. It’s so easy, especially in today’s society, to focus too much on ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong believer in self-care and in looking after yourself but this doesn’t need to be at the detriment of others. 

On a regular basis I see friends and family members showing kindness to myself and others in many different ways; whether it’s holding the door open for someone, being polite and friendly to strangers, asking how someone is (and caring about the answer), giving compliments, choosing meaningful gifts, spending time with someone, giving time to those less fortunate, or helping out at charities and churches. I feel very honoured and lucky to have such people in my life. I want to be more like them so I will try to be kinder and more thoughtful in the things I do and the decisions I make. You never know what someone is going through, and a bit of kindness can go a long way.

So, I’m going to focus on those two words, confidence and kindess, in my day to day life and decisions whilst continuing to be me – but hopefully a slightly better version.

*****

P.S: I thought it would be fitting to start writing this blog again at this time of year as I do miss writing nonsense (it makes a change from just thinking and saying nonsense). So thank you to my lovely sister for encouraging me to write again.

Oh, and the drawing at the top of the page bears no relation to this post at all, I just found it in a old suitcase of items from my childhood and it made me smile.