I’ve been in a bit of a grump this week (apologies to those who had to cope with me). Some reasons for my grumpiness were legitimate (going for an interview but not getting a job that I really wanted) but others were less so (Tesco running out of pots of fresh mango!).

I’ve been through a few ups and downs in the last couple of years, and even though I’m still working through some issues, I’m generally quite content and happy; I currently have a job (although it’s a maternity cover which ends soon, hence my panic!), I live in a lovely flat which feels like home, I live in a great area within walking distance of shops, the park and town, and I have been blessed by a wonderful family and many wonderful friends.

And yet this week I found it hard to shift this dark cloud I felt hanging over my head. This might sound strange but not only did I feel upset, grumpy and down in the dumps, but I felt even more upset and grumpy with myself for feeling that way! It was almost as if by allowing myself to feel down about things, I saw myself as a failure. I took the fact that I was not happy to be a step backwards.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had lots of lovely moments this week; my parents came back from their holiday, I had a delicious meal cooked for me, I met a close friend for a drink and a natter, and I attended another friend’s baby shower.  And yet I wasn’t able to fully shake off the grumpy feeling. It was as if I had a little gremlin sitting on my shoulder and every time I started to enjoy myself and just get lost in the moment, it would poke me and remind me of my grumpiness. Not the best description I know, but I hope you get the gist!

The main reason for my black mood no-longer seemed to be about not getting the job or being tired of writing applications, but seemed to centre more on my disappointment that I had allowed myself to feel so down about things. Even though I knew this was ridiculous, it didn’t change the way I felt.

Yet, as I sit curled up in my duvet on the sofa, having a lazy Sunday afternoon, I’m slowly coming to the realisation that it’s ok to be sad for no apparent reason, it’s ok to have a little cry just because I feel like it, and it’s ok not to be happy all of the time. None of those things make me a failure. None of these things mean that I taking a step backwards or that I can’t cope. They are just a part of life and they happen to everyone.

And somehow just by understanding that, I already feel happier and my mood is lighter.

Hopefully I’ll learn my lesson and when I have a down-in-the-dumps moment in future, I won’t let it stress me out and overwhelm me. Instead I’ll accept it for what it is: a moment that will pass and will soon be forgotten.

Hopefully.

P.S: I popped into Sainsburys’ earlier and found a pot of mango. Happiness is fully restored!